I typically whine in my journals. I've noticed that over the years. I seem to always say the same things- I don't understand or get along with my mother. I have relationship problems. I'm lonely. 

It seems that no matter what I do, no matter what my life has thrown at me, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, or blah, I've not been able to appreciate it. 

I have come to the realization that all of this is my own fault. I've taken little repsonsibility for my own life over the last several years. I depend far to much on others- friends, significant others, even random people on the internet, to give myself worth. That's why I make many of the decisions I do. That's why I get heartbroken so easily. I don't think I'm upset over losing James neccesarily- I think I'm upset because I lost someone who made me feel like l had worth. I'm not upset that people didnt like the skirts I made- I'm upset becuase they didn't think I was good enough. 

But what I need to learn- and it will take time- is to be okay for me. Not for my mom, my sister, my best friend, or my future or past loves. I need to be there for me. I know it sounds selfish, but it's not. If one does not care enough for one's self- not exclusively for one's self, mind you, but enough- then one cannot possibly care for another in the way that they deserve to be cared for. 

I will find my peace. my love, my happiness. But I need to find it in myself. And stop looking to find it in everyone else.     

First Print From Sera's Stitches

Hello all!

We are pleased to announce the first print from American custom sewing house, Sera's Stitches, Rollita!


Sera's Stitches is a small sewing shop, dedicated to bringing affordable and adorable custom Lolita clothes to fans of the fashion the world over. We are currently located in the Metro New York area, but we are willing to ship to where ever our products are wanted. 

Rollita is a work of over a year, featuring custom fabric designed just for us by Whitney Cogar, a talented artist you can visit at her website, smashpansy.com. Available in Emerald, Sapphire, Amethyst, and Rose Quartz, the print features poly-sided dice, the kind one would find at any number of table top games. The border printed dice appear in coordinating colors to the main fabric color (jewel tones for Emerald and Sapphire, pastels for Rose Quartz and Amethyst), surrounded by heart accented lace. Small dice create stripes on the skirt and the bodice of the finished garment.


We are currently taking preorders for the high waisted skirt, a half elastic skirt, and a shirred back, short sleeved one piece. There will be five spots to start, though if there is enough demand, we will create a waiting list.

Front of the High Waist JSK. The loop on the side was for a custom order, and will not appear on the finished product.
Back of the High Wasited Skirt. The corset lacing will be completed over a small shirred panel. There is an opening on the right side with hooks and an invisible zipper. 

A JSK in the Rose Quartz colorway. This JSK will not be available in this preorder- there are too many bugs in the pattern. Shown for color purposes only. 

Unclassic1 Unclassic2 
Style of the OP. This dress was also made by Sera's Stitches. A sample in Emerald in this style is in the works. It features shirring and lacing, short sleeves, and optional waist ties. 

bunnies1 bunnies6
The style for the half elastic waist skirt. The Rollita skirt will not feature ruffles. 

Prices are as follows:
Half Elastic Skirt: $95
High waist skirt: $115
One Piece dress: $130
Headbow: $25

Prices do not include shipping. Shipping will be calculated on an individual basis.

Sera's seamstress has over 5 years of sewing experience. All seams are finished with a serger. The bodice of the OP and the waists of the skirts are lined. Skirt linings are not included, but they can be added for an additional $12. Headbows come with fabric covered headbands. 

Skirt lengths are limited to 20'', due to how the fabric is printed. However, please contact me if you are interested in a longer skirt, as we may be able to figure a solution for you. 

To place an Order, please fill out the following form and either email it to seras_stitches @ yahoo.com or comment here. 

Name (First only is fine for now)
LJ Name:
Email Address:
Shipping Zip code:
Desired garment:
Desired color:
     Bust (for OP Only):
     Skirt length (Up to 20")
Paypal address:

Once I receive your form, I will email you to confirm your details, then send you an invoice for the first payment. The invoice for the second half will be sent upon completion, and will include the balance of the garment price and the shipping cost. 

Questions and comments are greatly appreciated, and will be answered as soon as possible.

Feedback can be found here: http://eglfeedback.livejournal.com/204812.html
Gallery of past work can be found here: http://facebook.com/serasstitches

Preorder Spots:




Once more, I am single. This hurts so much. Like my heart was taken out and trampled on.

Karma's a bitch- I'm sorry to everyone I've ever hurt in this way.

I've been crying for four hours. and there doesn't seem to be much sign of it stopping.

I'm done. I'm tired of this. tired of the worry. The search. trying so damn hard.

Why do I always do this?

I've been in a relationship for five months. He's a wonderful man, though not without his faults.I don't talk to him every night any more, and I haven't seen him on a week, even though he only lives half an hour away from me.

It makes me scared. Makes me want to run away. Makes me feel like I'm not good enough.

I don't know why iu do this. i have run away from almost every relationship i've been in, either because I was scared by it, or because I thought someone else could offer me better. This is starting to annoy me. I want to just trust that he loves me like he says he does.

(no subject)

our Existing Situation

"Very emotional and artistic, enjoys being surrounded by beauty and art. Looking for a partner who always has an eye for beauty and who enjoys close, loving relationships."

Your Stress Sources

"Feels unappreciated and in an unpleasant position. Needs personal recognition and the respect of others, since she has not been about to find partners who value the same things she does. she holds back her emotions and is unable to give fully of himself, but lasting isolation makes her want to change those ways and surrender to her deep urges. Giving in to her natural instincts and urges is a sign of weakness, so feeling this way makes her weak and irritable. Fighting these urges makes her feel stronger, as if she can take on anything that comes her way. Longs to be valued as an important associate and admired for her personal qualities."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Demanding and picky in her relationships, but careful not to bring out conflict or disagreements and this may decrease her chances of achieving her goals and ideas."

"Current situation makes her feel unable to prove himself, but tries to make the best of things."

Feels trapped in a helpless situation and is desperately seeking relief. she is able to find pleasure and happiness in sexual activity.

"Willing to become emotionally involved, but is demanding and picky when choosing a partner. Is careful not to bring out conflict or disagreements as this may decrease her chances of achieving her goals and ideas."

Feels as if too many walls and obstacles are standing in her way and that she is being forced to make compromises. she needs to put her own needs on hold for the time being.

Your Desired Objective

"Longs for a loving, caring, and supportive relationship, and fanaticizes of living in perfect harmony with others. Has a strong desire for tenderness and affection and enjoys things which are artistically pleasing to the eye."

Your Actual Problem

"Feeling a lack of energy, she does not wish to be involved in further activity or give in to demands. she is feeling powerless causing her stress, agitation, and irritation, all which she tries to escape by refusing to participate altogether. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."


my BDSM results

You Scored as Bondage

Exhibitionist / Voyeur

Romance and Rambling.

I have a boyfriend. Again. I know, I have one more often than not, but meh. I don't want to hear how I should be strong on my own. I'm fine on my own. I just like being taken. 

Anyway, his name is Eric, and he's tall, sweet, and for now, mine. We met at a con last year, he came out for the same con this year, and we hit it off. We've talked in between, quite a lot. I was crushing on him when I met him, but I was taken, and when one of us was free, the other was taken in the interim. It was sweet the way he asked me out. Kissed me, sweetly, gently, at the I-CON masquerade. It was so romantic (almost cheesily so, but I like cheesy. Mmm, cheese.)

But now I have to worry about the other boys in my life. D, while I told him I was going after Eric, and he claims he wants me to be happy, it's clear he's not happy. "the girl i love is happy but taken" is a direct quote taken from a conversation with him from today. M isn't taking it well either. We had thought that we would have another chance, but no action was taken when I would bring it up. He says he was planning something for the trip we're taking next week, but as he keeps pointing out, apparently I'm fairly attractive. And people want me. T doesn't know yet (as many people as I've told, I'm not fully shouting it from the rooftops. I'm not hiding it from him, I just haven't yet talked to him. He's not going to be happy either. 

I don't know what to do. I want to be happy, and right now, I am happy with Eric (granted it's only been about 24 hours since he kissed me, but still.) But I'm tired of so many other people needing me to be happy. I want them to want me in their lives. But none of them has had a girlfriend that I'm aware of since me. That's not good. 

I have work to do. I'll keep you posted. 

I-CON as a whole went really well though. We kept overflowing the rooms we were assigned to. Which is awesome, but made the con more stressful than I think it needed to be. But I am pleased with the outcome. 

  • Current Music
    Friday- Rebecca Black. I don't know why Pandora decided to play it.
  • Tags

(no subject)

So. the semester is nearly finished, and I am sitting in my friend's dorm room, where I spent last night. I have not studied one lick. I have a paper due on Monday, but I've barely started to think about it.

I don't know if I had told the wide world of of Livejournal, but I have been single for about the last month. Which was my fault, I know that. I'm sort of glad that I am, except that my decision making sklills have decided to desert me completely. I have been fairly involved with a person on campus, who, to put it bluntly, is WAY TO FRUCKING YOUNG for me. Like, there's a 5 year difference between us. And he doesn't want a relatioship, and while I'm not looking for onr just yet, I am looking for one eventually. I want to get married, if I'm having children I want to have them sooner than later, I need to work on moving out of my house. I need to become a Goddess damned adult.

I have to leave here now, but I'll finish this entry later. Look for an edit later.


I really don't have a reason to be dissatisfied, to be so disinterested in life right now. I'm gaining recognition and notoriety as a seamstress, and dealings in that area are moving ahead nicely. I have materials for the first batch of I-CON merch, I have plans on how to make tags, I have several of the supplies I need in order to make that experience a success, and I have the support of my family, and many of my friends, even some people I barely know, or haven't talked to in forever, including an ex boyfriend of mine who I thought hated my guts.

I've been doing decently well on my exams, despite not actually having truly studied for most of them. I did change one class from letter grades to a pass/no credit, but hey. I didn't know that was a sociology heavy class, and it's the only one I ever have P/NCed before. I only took if for the upper division credit anyway, so now I'll get that credit and not have it adversely affect my GPA.

Yet, I can't seem to bring myself to work on things. I lost 5 hours on Friday, because I just refused to work on anything. I lost three on Saturday, because I decided to fuck around on the computer rather than do work.  If I could just keep myself motivated, I'd be ok, in fact, I'd be ahead of the game!

I think part of it might have been PMS. (Sorry, for any guys on this list.) But since I don't get "that time of the month" very often, the PMS is really disruptive, but I don't recognize it until it's done, because the visitor is with me. And that's a sucky thing too, becuse it's a week that I don't want to do ANYTHING.  Ijust want to stay in my room, sleep, and read. I can't do that, obviously. But it certainly makes it harder.

I've been meaning to update this for like weeks now, when I was feeling better, but of course I wait until I feel like shit to do it. Oh well. Complaining to my journal helps me feel better. Look at that, I feel better!

I am pruod though- I finally finished a dress that I'd been working on for a freaking year, and mailed it to the person who ordered it. It came out so awesome, and it looks perfect on her! I'm so proud of myself!!!